Thursday, January 8, 2009

Can't sleep

I have never been good at falling asleep. Most of my striving little life, it has been due to stress, panic, fear, worry and general insanity. The last two nights, I was unable to fall asleep because I was SO HAPPY. That is a new one, people. I really feel secure in my life right now, which would normally cause me great panic ("when life looks like easy street there is danger at your door" - thanks Jerry Garcia!) But right now, I am blissfully content. I know who I am, what my purpose is and what makes me happy. I know when I am not happy, how to get there. I have no earthly idea how this happened.

Up until Owen, I never thought motherhood was for me. In fact, even through his first year or so, I didn't think this would work out well. I am very different now. I hope it stays this way. I like this, A LOT. Don't get me wrong, I am still striving for the next big thing (opened a consulting business - more on that later), and trying to figure out when I can get that Benz I want, but for the big part of my brain, I feel really confident. I am the most important person in the world to someone who is learning everything from scratch. Not even a month ago this statement terrified me with the huge-ness of it, now, I feel very strongly that I am doing a good job WAY more times than not and I am even getting some delish validation (mommy, I love you soooo much!)

What a crazy turn of events, indeed.

1 comment:

The Robbins Nest said...

Here is a big hug to you! I am so happy for you.