Bouncing back a bit

Last week was a vision from hell. Failure, tantrums, all kinds of tear-filled days. I finally realized that I am doing a number of things that I find to be wrong for me. First off, let me say that I have some serious flaws as it relates to parenting, first, I am obsessed with efficiency. My aim everyday as a worker was to finish all of my work for the day by noon and to have all my week's work done by early afternoon Wednesday. This worked for me very well. I am and was efficient. An example of this would be that in the course of cleaning the house, I try to figure out the fewest number of times I need to go to the basement to work with cleaning supplies and the vacuum. I can do it in one trip...

Secondly, and by far worse that the efficiency thing, I am a pretty self-centered individual. This makes it very challenging to be a parent. I am not proud being self-centered, in fact, if there were a cure for it, it would be at the top of my to-do list. Which is yet another damaging parent flaw, I am to-do oriented. I used to have lists, lots of lists. Things that needed to be accomplished everyday in order for me to feel like I was successful. So, being efficient, self centered and goal oriented, I am trying a new strategy...Make a plan for the week. Not a concrete plan, but a rough outline of the activities and fun things Owen and I can do together. Today is a perfect example...We went to the zoo, he ran the show, we came home and while he napped, I made cookie dough. So, when he gets up from his nap, we can make football cookies. He loves doing this with play-doh, so I figured it would be a winner. I will let you all know how this goes.

I think with a rough plan, I will feel less confused, lazy and like a bad parent if I fill our days will fun things to do. I also need to let go of the rushing of the poor child...he is pokey, so what!