Doing well, what with the guilt and all

It seems whenever I am seriously busy around the house with so much to do, I am not the best mom in the world, in fact, I feel I pretty much suck at it. We have guests this weekend, Trick or Treating and a party on Saturday. Not to mention the new furnace and the duct cleaning that transpired.

This required a lot of running around and work during naps. So much work, in fact, the nap time wouldn't allow me to accomplish all I needed to do. All the while, my sweet little kid only wanted me to pay attention to him and read him a book or paint. I kept saying no, not quite yet. I will, just not now. I did get around to it, but it still made me wonder if I was hurting his self esteem by not showing him he is a priority.

This happens every time we have a busy week, which is not every week, but still. I went to bed last night thinking and wanting to live by the new mantra, actions speak louder than words. Did it do it this morning...no. I am ashamed that I am not able to step away from tasks or let things fall off the list so that I can be the mom I want to be. I am honestly seeking any advice you, dear Internet may have. Please let me know how I can improve and how to let things go.

Potholes

Life has been pretty effing smooth sailing lately. Owen is doing great, we are really happy and enjoying life and making some new, nice friends. But, this past week has been fraught with disappointment. I wonder if people have any capacity to change, grow up and see beyond themselves to be more considerate, more thoughtful, and less, well, rotten. I always hope for better, but am always disappointed.

Although, a bright spot was that it makes me realize how lucky I am to have a spouse who loves me and respects me as a partner (this is rarer than I could have ever believed) and I him. We also have wonderful health and a beautiful boy who makes our day...now, if only people would quit pissing me off!!

Downside of development

The boy has nightmares now...big, honking, scary, screaming, quivering lip nightmares. Last night, I think he slept for a total of 5 hours. Meaning Steve and I slept for a little less than that. The sad part is the fear in his eyes. Chalk this one up to "Crap I DIDN'T think about when I realized I wanted to have kids." Poor buddy!

Busting out

O can be timid around new people and places, which is both hilarious based on the fact that I am his mother and un-nerving (same reason). It takes him time to warm up and I am growing concerned about him being labeled shy, when in fact, he is not shy, he just is deciding whether a given situation is worth his time.

I stopped worrying this weekend when we all miraculously recovered from our colds to attend a family wedding. My family is HUGE, so I have countless cousins, aunts, uncles, the works. The droom was a cousin I babysat when he was little. We took O to his first wedding. He was excited to see the princess (this will be a coming post) and her prince and then have cake. We had him with princess and cake. He was his usual reserved self in church and during dinner. In fact, when a man asked O if he could have two of the plateful of crackers, O counted out two crackers and handed them over with a look that said, "that's your limit buddy, these are my crackers, don't ask again!" Then, the music started and the cake was served.

He was ALL OVER THE PLACE. Racing between tables, talking to everyone and BURNING UP the dance floor. I had sore abs from laughing with his joy. He drug everyone onto the dance floor. Me, Steve, and both my mom and dad. He danced for more than 2 hours and would have continued had it not been 10:30 - WAY past bed time.

Needless to say, I worry too much!

Woah...

So, we are leaving our vacation and we are all sick. Can I just say that there is nothing harder in the WORLD than looking after a toddler when you have a cold/flu. I cannot tell you how exhausting that yesterday was. I had the chills and aches and a headache and stuffy nose and all the other crap and he just wanted to run around the yard and play soccer with me...OYE!

Feeling a right bit better today, thanks goodness.

The payoff

The whole goal behind staying at home was to participate and witness the growth and evolution of a person. I am watching this little person grow up before my eyes. I like when I see him develop, like I did tonight with three amazing and rambunctious, but fundamentally kind children. We were playing at a friend's house while on vacation and, although it took a little time, he warmed up to the kids and played with them. And despite being 7 years younger than the oldest child, they played with him too. I was such a cool thing to see.

Having some fun

Vacation as a stay at home mom is hilarious. It is crazy how different it is than being at home. I am a flat-out tourist and I don't care. I took O to a waterfall and a fish hatchery yesterday. It was so fun. We just farted around for three hours. We had a breakfast date and a lunch date. I took tons of pictures and just had a glorious time. It is nice to smell the roses and be with my boy to show him all of nature's wonders. He loves the mountains and the waterfalls. But when asked if he wanted to live here or our house, he said I like our house best. It was sweet.

It was only weird when I saw a group of business people at breakfast and I realized that used to be me...making deals, decisions, traveling. I suppressed the urge to sit with them and talk. Good thing, because I got the sense they wouldn't be too pleased with the sticky toddler by my side. Although, I can say I wouldn't trade business travel for any level of sticky toddler...

Nomads

Steve and I have lived in a number of places in our adult life. We like to travel and we like to experience things. Now that we are a telecommuting family, we can work, quite literally from anywhere. This week, we are in Oregon. We lived here for two years about 3 years ago. We got our dog when we lived here and learned we were having O living here.

I think the thing that is making this an actual post is that we traveled for 13 hours today. We had two flights that totaled about 5 hours. A two and a half hour layover, a 1 hour drive and lots of breaks. This kid was a STAR. People were stopping him on the plane to high five him and we just couldn't believe how great he was. We had to roust him from bed at 5:30 a.m. a good 2 hours before his normal wake up. During the trip, he managed a total of an hour and fifteen minutes of sleep, but it didn't matter, he was all about the things that were all around him. He talked about the waterfalls we saw and the mountains around him. It was a very proud day indeed.