Addiction

I come from smokers but I waited to start until my early 20s. I quit in 2001. I am not one of those people who can smoke only when they drink, I am either smoking or I am not. A few months ago, I started again. I was so disappointed in myself but yet, there I was smoking three cigarettes a day, one during his nap, one when he went to bed and one before we went to bed. It was so decadent. Each one I finished I would be so sad that I would obsessively wash my hands and change my clothes and but soap in my hair so I wouldn't smell like cigarettes, which I am sure I did. I don't want O to be like this and I certainly don't want to be the smoking mom, that is GROSS!

I was stressed and under pressure, but truthfully, those are all excuses for the fact that I love to smoke. Problem is, can't smoke, it will kill you and probably turn O into a smoker as well. Two HUGE whammies against this disgusting and delicious habit. So, like the first time, I have taken up running again to fight the smoking urge. Nothing keeps you off the butts like running. You really notice a difference when you aren't smoking. And I am doing pretty good, three days in and no big urges...still love it, though, which makes me hate it...so confusing...